Hi all :) Sorry I didn't post anything yesterday...busy day. Today, I have a little bit of a rant for you guys...sorry in advance.
I really hate the way media portrays women. They always make it seem like you HAVE to be a twig with perfect hair, flawless skin, and basically perfect everything to be beautiful. When I was younger, I believed that wholeheartedly, and everyday I would look at myself, and I wouldn't see the beautiful young woman everyone else saw. I saw someone who would have without a doubt been torn to shreds by the world for the way I looked, if enough people paid attention. I wasn't "pretty" like other girls. I hated getting my picture taken because I didn't feel I was photogenic. The worst thing was when guys would say I was nice, but that I didn't have the right look to be with them.
That used to really get me down. I always wondered if I would find someone who would love me for me, even if I didn't fit the mold for what the world said I should be. I went through a lot of bad relationships, and I admit, I did things I'm not proud of. I thought that if I did, I'd be loved, but I was wrong. Every relationship ended, each one seemingly worse than the last, and I gave up. I decided that I would never be worthy enough for any man not to hurt me, so I shut my emotions away so I wouldn't be tempted to fall for anyone again, thinking that would make me feel better. It didn't. I felt worse than ever, and eventually reached a point where every night before I went to sleep, I would pray that I wouldn't wake up again. I was really bad off, and the worst part was, no one knew. And....I felt like this, all because I thought I wasn't beautiful by the world's definition. Luckily, one day, everything changed.
Fast forward to May 16th, 2010. My friend and I were at our other friend's graduation party, enjoying everyone's company and having a fabulous day. During the course of the day, I met Julie's (my friend's) brother, and there was an instant connection between us. I felt it, but brushed it off. We both figured we wouldn't see each other again, but we were so wrong.
That same day, Joshua and I became facebook friends, and started talking every once in a while. The more we talked and got to know each other, my walls started to lower little by little, but I was still super careful. He seemed nice, but he could end up just like the others. I waited for that to happen, but it never did. One day, we both discovered that we had feelings for one another. We waited to pursue a relationship, because we wanted to make sure we were right for each other first. God said yes, and we have officially been a couple since November 6th, 2010, and married since May 16th, 2012.
If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that the world is wrong. You don't have to be flawless to be beautiful. You just have to be you. Once I figured that out, my life changed for the better.
If you're reading this, I hope you know you're beautiful. xoxo
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